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Flatscreen
| Print article | This entry was posted by Joe Bai on July 2, 2009 at 12:18 am, and is filed under Funny, Joke. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
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Why?
about 4 months ago - No comments
1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting dead?
2. Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not
enough money?
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
4. Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
6. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9. Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lips”?
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?
15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
17. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?
18. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when
we complained about the heat in Summer?
19. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
opposite of laughing
about 4 months ago - No comments
What is the opposite of laughing?
The student says: sex!
The teacher:
Shame on you! How can you say that?
The student:
Laughing is
Ha ha ha,
Sex is
Ah ah ah
Legal Vs Logical
about 4 months ago - No comments
After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization” , Johnny goes and confronts his lecturer about it…
Johnny: Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?
Professor: Surely I must, otherwise I would not be a professor!
Johnny: Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go.. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam.
Professor: Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?
Johnny: What is legal, but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor could not give Johnny an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Still puzzled, the professor later calls on his best student in his class, Sihle, and asks him the same question.
Sihle immediately answers, “Sir, you see, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
The professor fainted!
The Corporate language !!
about 5 months ago - No comments
“We will do it”
means
” You will do it”
“You have done a great job”
means
“More work to be given to you”
“We are working on it”
means
“We have not yet started working on the same”
“Tomorrow first thing in the morning”
means
“Its not getting done…
At least not tomorrow !”.
“After discussion we will decide – I am very open to views”
means
“I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
“There was a slight miscommunication”
means
“We had actually lied”
“Lets call a meeting and discuss”
means
“I have no time now, will talk later”
“We can always do it”
means
“We actually cannot do the same on time”
“We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline”
means
“The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
“We had slight differences of opinion”
means
“We had actually fought”
“Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you”
means
“Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”
“You should have told me earlier”
means
“Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”
“We need to find out the real reason”
means
“Well I will tell you where your fault is”
“Well… family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected”
means
“Well you know…”
“We are a team”
means
“I am not the only one to be blamed”
“That’s actually a good question”
means
“I do not know anything about it”
“All the Best”
means
” You are in trouble”
